Ask Beth

Date: 2/08/09
Q - From Marie:  Beth, My boyfriend and I have been living together for several months. I am very interested in getting him to try swinging with me.  There is a swing club in our town and I have been reading a lot on the subject online.  My boyfriend is very shy and reserved when it comes to sex.  I think the experience would give him confidence and make things more exciting.  Do you have any advice?

A - Your boyfriend sounds like my ex-husband.  This will sound harsh, but you should ditch the guy and find someone who is more sexually compatible.  Life is too short to be with someone who has a bunch of sex hangups.  You will just be miserable and create problems if you try and get him to do this.  The other alternative is to find a secret lover.  Based on your description of your boyfriend though I bet his is one of those jealous clingers who tracks your every move.  If that is the case it is just another sign that you are not going to be happy with this guy. Get out while you can.

Date: 12/01/07
Q - From Megan:  Dear Beth, I have been living with my boyfriend Kevin for 3 years now.  When I first moved in he couldn't keep his hands off me.  We had sex at least once a day sometimes more.  Now I have to beg him for sex.  I feel like we are an old married couple all of a sudden.  Do you think he is cheating on me?   How can I spice things back up?

A - Megan, I hate to say it, but there is a good chance your boyfriend is getting pussy somewhere else.   It is a sad thing but common that a lot of women take things for granted after they marry a guy or move it.  In the meantime there are a lot of sluts out there who are probably coming onto your boyfriend or trying to fuck him.   The cause of him looking for sex outside the relationship could be many.  Have you gained weight?  Stopped dressing sexy or putting on makeup or stopped sucking his cock?  My advice for you if you want to save this relationship is to be the sexiest most desirable freakiest fuck you can be and let him know that if he wants to keep your pussy he better take care of it and not fuck around.  Avoid being fragile or acting jealous or clingy.  That is the best way to drive him into the arms of another woman.  

Date: 8/17/07
Q - I am a 23/m and I recently started noticing my 45-50ish year old neighbor she is single and doesn't have any kids at home. I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to hook up with her for some fun a possibly dating. I have been with slightly older women before 6 years older was the oldest but I have no idea what to do or say or even how to bring the situation up with her. And I have no idea how she feels about me.

A – The first thing you need to do is introduce yourself.  Wave, walk over and introduce yourself.   Offer to give her a hand if she ever needs help with some kind of manly chore.  Be outgoing.  Women love that.  Unless she is a real bitch she will be kind.  If she acts like a bitch then she isn’t worth your time anyway.  Give her a card with your number on it.  Chances are she will be very flattered that a young guy like you is interested in her even if she doesn’t have the same interest in you.  You aren’t likely to get invited in to fuck on the first contact.  Try and find some mutual interest.  Invite her over for a glass of wine.  Make sure your place isn’t a mess.  Once the ice has been broken, just be honest and tell her you find her attractive.  No one likes to be rejected, but this woman is in her sexual peak and I bet she would love to have a young stud in the neighborhood to fuck.

Date: 7/8/07
Q - My girlfriend doesn't really like it when I go down on her for some reason.  She prefers I work on her clit, but I don't feel like I'm giving her top quality oral then.  I want to blow her mind with oral so she'll then reciprocate.  She had a bad experience with an ex-boyfriend who basically made her give oral, so now in turn, me the guy who loves her, doesn't get much head longer than 2 minutes.  Any advice on how I could get better at eating her out?

A1 - I am bisexual and have eaten out my share of pussies plus I have one of my own (lol) so I feel qualified to answer this question.  First of all I don't understand why you feel working on your GFs clit isn't giving her top quality oral.  Most women enjoy receiving oral sex specifically because their clit gets more stimulation than from interecourse.  My own preference is to have my clit licked and sucked while a couple of fingers are inserted and slowly moved in an out and touching my g spot.  If the fingers action is too much it distracts me from what is being done to my clit.  I prefer to have my clit flicked softly at first, then building to faster harder flicking and then to hard sucking or even light biting.  A woman that masturbates frequently or who uses a vibrator on her clit may need more clit stimulation to have an orgasm.  Everyone is different.  Just like some guys like to have a hand assist with a blow job or have their balls played with and some don't.  The best way to solve this mystery is to have an open discussion with your GF and tell her you want some feedback while eating her out to improve your technique with her.  
A2 - There could be a variety of reasons why your GF isn't into giving head.  It could be the bad experience you mention, it could be your hygiene (smegma), some guys have a bad taste or odor and don't realize it.   Again the best thing to do is to have an open and honest discussion about it.  I can tell you that this could be a potentially huge problem to your relationship.  The number one reason that guys cheat is to get sexual fulfilliment and satisfaction they aren't getting in their current relationship.  (women tend to do it to get emotional fulfillment).  

Date: 7/8/07
Q - Beth, Any tips on how to get my girlfriend into the idea of swinging?  This is simply out of curiosity.  She is my high school sweetheart for nearly the past 3 years, and the problem is I have never had another girlfriend.  I'm not interested in cheating because I love her, but I'd like to lick and fuck some other girls before I commit for life.

A - No one, I repeat no one should suggest the idea of swinging to their partner unless they are totally secure in the relationship and the sex is already good.   It is my opinion that human beings like most animals are not naturally monogamous.  Swinging in a healthy relationship can help fulfill the desires and excitement of experiencing sex with other people as long as there is no jealousy and both partners are getting something out of it.  I have seen several bad situations when a guy has put pressure on his wife or girlfriend to swing and she is doing it because she fears that if she doesn't he will stray.  Be careful to avoid that scenario.  Also ask yourself if you are ready to see or hear that sweet GF of yours getting pounded by some stud.  I recall a swing party I attended recently where the woman seemed reluctant at first but eventually got into all the attention that she was getting from several different guys and ended up in a room getting gang banged by four guys at the same time.  Her boyfriend got pissed and stormed out.  The woman now attends the parties with a new guy.  I suggest that you work on having the kind of relationship where you and your GF can have open discussions about all of your fantasies.

Date: 7/6/07
Q - What is the best way to get into swinging?

A - Well first of all I don't recommend swinging with friends or neighbors.  Lots of people do but there are a lot of potential problems with that.  I strongly recommend joining an online swinger's site.  I have good personal experience with AFF which is why I promote them on my site.  There are others out there that are good, but I don't have personal experience with them so I don't recommend them.  Some people balk at spending a few bucks to join a website, but there are several advantages for spending a few bucks to join an adult dating site.  First, you are less likely to have your friends, coworkers, neighbors etc. find out about your personal business if you are on a site that is geared toward people who have the same interest (swinging).  Anyone accessing profiles is there for the same reason.  Second, free sites and chat rooms are full of spammers and scammers.  There are many ads on sites like Craigslist that look real but they are trying to get your personal information or email address for the purpose of spamming you.   Once you have a profile and ad on AFF, you can exchange messages through the system without having to disclose your email address until you are ready to do so.

Want To Get Laid?